How am I to Respond to Ungodly Behavior by Family Members?

My sister (15 months younger than me) has just informed the family that she is leaving her husband of 31 years.  They are both Christians.  She has been the choir director and a SS teacher at her church for years.  He has been active, also, at church and in men’s Bible studies.  He’s a quiet, stable kind of guy.  My sister knows she has no Biblical grounds for divorce, but she is the one initiating this action.  My heart is so heavy.  I guess my question to you is, “What should I say?  How do I respond?”  I hate to even say this, but my sister has been distant from my brother-in-law for quite some time.  She goes away many weekends with her girlfriends.  She loves to hike and canoe and is very independent.  The hardest part is the kind of gals that she has chosen to spend her time with.  Several of them live an alternative lifestyle.  I don’t know if my sister has been involved in anything lesbian, but the appearance has not been good.

Thank you for your thoughts and insights. I value them.

Answer:

I prayed about the response that God has for you.  He brought me to these verses:.

Colossians 4:2-6

Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; 3 Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds: 4 That I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. 5 Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. 6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Verse 2 challenges us to be alert and earnest in prayer and as we pray to be full of thanksgiving.  This year, the Lord has taught me to be alert and to listen to him as I pray.  He used the book that Sam gave to you, QUIET MOMENTS IN PRAYER to expand my understanding and to deepen my relationship with Him.  After studying that book, I delight in prayer and I eagerly anticipate my time with the Lord each morning, because I know that He is going to speak to me personally.  I am now repeating the 30 days of prayer for the third time.  Through this daily prayer experience, the Lord has revealed attitudes that I needed to confess and forsake.  He has granted me liberty to grow and enjoy life, but He has particularly changed my perspective of intercessory prayer, especially for my son whom I am so concerned about.  The scriptures that are referenced during the prayer time fill me with confidence and hope for my son.  I hope that the book will encourage you in this way also.

Verse 3 is the verse that I pray for you as a missionary, but also in your relationship with your sister– that He would grant you a door of utterance–just the right opportunity when her heart is open to listen to you.  Verse 4–I pray that as you speak to her that the character of Christ– his goodness, his love, his righteousness, his majesty would manifest itself in you and your words.  Verse 5 tells us to walk in wisdom toward those that are outside of the faith–that includes your sister since she is not seeking the Lord at this time.  She is alienating herself from the Lord (not eternally but in everyday life).  You are to be wise and redeem your time, to respond to any opportunity that the Lord presents to you.  Verse 6 says that your speech toward her should be filled with grace.  In order to speak full of grace, you must be overwhelmed with the goodness and love and faithfulness of God in you own personal life.  The scriptures in the book, QUIET MOMENTS will consume you with this perspective.  You must view your sister–not as she is but as how God wants her to be.  The overwhelming message of the words you speak to her should convey that she is precious and dearly loved by God who is her deliverer.  Your message will then be grace.  It will need to be seasoned with salt.  Salt is truth that will open her eyes to the error of her ways, but the message is only seasoned with this salt.  The main message is grace.  Compared to the message of grace, the salt should be only a small portion of the message.  Your message should offer deep concern but great hope.

Pray over these scriptures with her in mind so that you will know how you ought to respond to her.

I think that Sam gave you a copy of our book, “What is Marriage?”  I encourage you to read that so that God will prepare you mindset before you talk to your sister.  If your sister and her husband would read the book, I believe that God would challenge their hearts.

Don’t forget about your brother-in-law.  If your sister is not willing to let God work in her life, God may work in the relationship through your brother-in-law first.  Encourage him to grow in the Lord. Pray with him. Encourage him to read books that will increase his intimacy with the Lord.

Hope that gives you some insight. May you become fascinated with the person of Jesus Christ and may that fascination overflow to inspire your family and friends.