I wanted to ask a question about the mechanics of child discipline. My wife and I have 3 sons, ages 8, 7 and 4. We recently realized how we had not done discipline the way the Bible requires with our sons. We implemented spanking only 3 months ago and after I found your website, I wanted to know the mechanics you use when you had to use the rod. My oldest son who I had to spank said the spankings didn’t hurt him. It has not deterred him from changing his defiance. When I spanked him I reviewed what he did and I spanked him with my hand while he was bent over my knee and after wards he rebelled by saying that didn’t hurt. Can you give me advice on the mechanics of using the rod? Thanks.

Answer:

I appreciate your concern to discipline your children according to God’s principles in His Word. Certainly the Bible does both endorse and encourage parents to use “the rod” as part of the discipline of our children (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14).The rod spoken of in the Bible is thought to be some type of switch that has flexibility and will therefore sting the child or make the child temporarily sore, but not abuse the child (a belt or a hard wooden object that is often used can bruise the child or even break a bone which is abusive). Therefore, I believe that God’s intention is for the parent to use something like a switch that has flexibility and will sting the child but not hurt them. In Proverbs 10:13 The Bible even indicates the location, “the back”, where the rod is to be administered (the back refers to the rear end of the child where there is padding). I also believe that it is inappropriate for a parent to use their hands to spank a child as the hand should be used to hold, hug and caress the child.

Practically speaking, if your son does not respond to the use of the rod in discipline, it could be that you are not getting to the point where you are actually stinging the child (his jeans may be up and covering him, therefore it does not sting) or you may not be giving enough strokes or enough velocity. Hebrews 12:11 shares with us that correct chastening should yield peaceable fruit. That is after the chastening of your child they should show repentance that leads to them having a good attitude. Depending upon how strong willed your child may be, you may have to either administer additional strokes or spank them additional times for it to yield peaceable fruit. It is also very important that the child knows why you are spanking them before you spank them. Also you must make sure that you are in control of yourself and are not taking out your frustration on the child (Eph. 5:18).

I suggest that you pray and ask God to work through this process.  Ask that He would break your child’s heart and open his eyes to realize that his defiance or rebellion is evil and that you want to protect him from evil thinking. Some children are tougher and have a higher threshold of pain.

Ask for wisdom.  In addition to the rod, it is many times appropriate to also revoke a privilege.  This can sometimes cause a stroke to have more effect.

As you pray, ask the Lord to reveal any attitude, words or tone of voice that could be invoking your child to this stubbornness. I also challenge you to monitor any TV or video programming that encourages stubbornness or defiance.

In your disciplining, remember to be consistent, be firm, and be loving. When you correctly administer the rod for defiance and rebellion, you yourself are being obedient to the Lord and His word. This is an act of faith on your part. You are not in this alone. You have the power of God within you to work in the heart of your child.